5 signs that your date isn't going well (and what to do it about it)

It’s totally normal to turn up to a date with high hopes. This person could turn out to be The One, or at least The One To Have Some Fun With For A While. However, sometimes we can want things to turn out well so badly that it colours our perception of what’s really happening, and stops us seeing that, actually, the date isn’t going that great. Here are five subtle signs to look out for.

They’re not present

A first date should be phone-free, so if one or other of you is distracted by your phone, then you aren’t that interested in the other person. If they’re texting, looking at the football scores or even chatting up the waiter it’s best to recognise that it’s a non-starter and call it a night.

They won’t stop talking about their ex

This is a massive red flag. Not only isn’t it fun for you to act the agony aunt, it’s also a sign they aren’t over their ex and therefore not ready for a relationship. Equally, if you find yourself unable to not bring your ex up, you should have a careful think about if you’re ready to be dating.

They don’t let you get a word in edgeways

Whilst talking too much could be a sign of nerves, it could also point to them being more interested in themselves than you. If they show no interest in learning more about you, it’s wise to make your excuses and not go on a second date.

One or both of you is drinking way to quickly

It’s normal to neck a few drinks on a first date, as alcohol is a useful social lubricant. However, if it feels like you’re both necking the booze because you have nothing to say to each other, it’s not a good sign. Stop drinking and end the date before you end up confusing being squiffy for fancying each other.

You just aren’t feeling it

If your mind keeps wondering to what you might have for lunch tomorrow, you are clearly not felling a spark or a desire to get to know your date better. And that’s totally fine, as we don’t have chemistry with everyone we meet. Find a natural pause in conversation and tell them it’s time you went home.

Looking for a delightful date? Join mysinglefriend now!

A lovely message from a happy ex-MSFer

"I have never been happier in my entire life"

The best part of our job is hearing from happy couples who met through mysinglefriend.com. Today we received an email from Sarah who told us a bit about her MSF experience...

'I just want to say how grateful I am to mysinglefriend. I married 'the one' yesterday after 18 amazing months together. 

I have never been happier in my entire life. After finding myself living alone for the first time at 38, fast forward a couple of years and I meet my 'husband' after my closest friend and his closest friend signed us up to mysinglefriend. He'd lived in my hometown the whole time and lived three minutes from where I worked,  and fate finally brought us together. 

This is just a thank you to Sarah Beeny for setting up a dating site that is for people just like me, who aren't sure about the idea of meeting someone online but understand that you can't rely on the traditions of old. Thank you again to all involved at my single friend from a traditionalist who never dreamt they would meet there perfect match via a website. The unique way that you ask friends to write about you is why I am now so happy.'

Huge congratulations to Sarah and her partner from all of us here at MSF

Are you looking to meet The One? Sign up to mysinglefriend.com now and get searching! 

7 first date conversation tips to get the ball rolling

Even if you've usually got the poise and social skills of Meghan Markle, there's something about a first date that can either make you clam up completely or cause you to turn into an unstoppable chatterbox. An easy, natural conversation is the ideal, but what can you do if you're struck by nerves? Here are a tips that will help your conversation flow smoothly.

Admit you're nervous

Whilst it might seem like admitting you're nervous will make you look very uncool, the fact is that the other person is probably nervous too and talking about it will instantly give you some common ground and break the ice.

Ask questions

Open ended questions (i.e ones that invite more of an answer than 'yes' or 'no') give your date an opportunity to talk about themselves and make you look good because you're genuinely interested them. Keep it light though, they won't want to feel like they've been interrogated.

Don't tell lies

It's ever so tempting to fudge the truth a little to make yourself feel more impressive or accomplished, but if you get into a relationship the truth will eventually come out and you won't look good. 

Don't ask about their salary

Talking about work is fine, but don't press them on how much they earn, whether they own a property or what sort of car they drive. You'll just come across as a gold digger, which is not an attractive look.

Don't treat it as a therapy session

Be authentic and forthcoming, but don't fill them in on every tiny detail of your emotional history. Getting to know someone takes time and they don't need to see the dark, hidden corners of your mind just yet.

Don't talk about your ex

By all means mention previous relationships, but a first date is way to early for getting into the nitty gritty of your exes. If you still feel compelled to moan about them it might be worth asking yourself if it's too soon for you to be dating.

Keep it positive

Many people find it hard to talk about themselves without some level of self-deprecation. This is fine, and an appealing quality, but don't confuse it with low self-esteem. Talking yourself down won't encourage your date to find your attractive or fun to be around,.

Looking for a delightful date? Join mysinglefriend now!

5 online dating mistakes that you need to avoid

There are some bad dating habits that can undermine your online dating experience

Getting yourself online and looking for dates is a proactive first step on the road to meeting someone wonderful. However, there are some bad dating habits that can undermine your online dating experience and make things trickier than they need to be. Here are some mistakes that you should be taking care to avoid whilst enjoying your search for that perfect someone.

Don't reject someone on the basis of photos alone

Photos are of course a crucial element of every dating profile. They show you how a person looks and also give you a good insight into their friends, family, hobbies and interests. However, you should fight the urge to select or reject people based on looks alone, because, whilst photos are useful, they can't show you what a person is actually like in real life. If you're rejecting lots of people based entirely on looks, you could be missing out on a genuine connection that can only be felt face-to-face.

Don't get bogged down in the details

If you obsess over the details it will take you a long time to go on a date, let alone meet The One. Likes and dislikes are important, but don't reject someone on the basis that they love Game of Thrones, whilst you think it's a load of old fantasy nonsense. Concentrate on the broad strokes: do they live in the same city as you? Do they look like a fun person? If they like watching TV and you like watching TV then that's enough for now: you can argue over what to watch at a later date.

Evaluate the tone of their profile

Rather than trying to read in between the lines of every profile, evaluate the tone as a whole. Do they seem well-adjusted? Pleasant? Friendly? Funny? Or can you detect a hint of negativity or bitterness in there? Do they seem sincere? The overall tone of a profile can convey an awful lot, so, once again, don't get too bogged down in the details. Also, if they mention their ex in their dating profile it's very possible they're not yet over them, so beware!

Don't get too attached based on the profile alone

No matter how amazing someone seems on paper (or screen), you won't be able to get a real idea of them until you actually meet them in the flesh. You learn so much more about someone when you're sitting opposite them: do they make eye contact, do they smile a lot, are they rude to the bar staff, are they constantly checking their phone? Don't get hung up on them in any way until you've actually met them, or you'll be in for a lot of disappointment.

Don't convince yourself you've met 'The One' after only two dates

If you badly want to find The One, it can be tempting to rush into a relationship quickly, only to find that, once you've got to know them, they aren't who you wanted them to be. Take things slowly so you can truly get to know them before leaping in with both feet. It takes time and patience to get to find out who someone really is, but it will be worth it in the end.

Looking for a delightful date? Join mysinglefriend now!

Six tips for taking your online relationship offline

If you've been chatting with someone online and things have been going well, you've probably started thinking about meeting up IRL. However, it can be tricky to know when is the right time, and how to suggest it. If you've been fretting about how to take your potential romance off the internet and into the big wide world, here are some tips that will make it a little bit easier.

Don't leave it too long

If you're feeling a bit nervous about going on a date with someone, it can be tempting to play it safe by continuing to hide behind your keyboard. However, the longer you exchange messages, the more this person is going to seem like a casual pen friend than a potential love interest. There's also the possibility that someone more proactive will ask them on a date and snap them up. Exchanging a few messages to feel things out is great, but once you've developed a bit of a rapport it's time to meet up face to face.

Offer alternative contact details

One simple way to start to move things offline is to offer your phone number. Chatting on the phone or texting generally feels more personal than on a dating site, so the offer of a date may come up more naturally this way. However, don't just exchange messaging online for texting instead of meeting up as you still won't have a solid idea of what they're like.

Save some stories for the actual date

If you share too much about yourself online, you could end up without much to  talk about when you actually meet up in real life, which is a sure fire way to crush any chemistry that might exist between you. There's nothing more alluring than a bit of mystery, so don't kill the intrigue by laying out your entire life story before they've even set eyes on you.

Be prepared to be disappointed

It's easy to idealise people before you meet them and imagine they are everything you've dreamed of and more, but remember that these thoughts have no basis in reality until you've actually met someone and got to know them a bit. Lower your expectations a little and be clear about who they really are and not who you want them to be. This is a good reason to take things offline fairly quickly, rather than spending ages chatting online and feeling no chemistry when you finally get to meet.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

When dating online, the likelihood is that you won't meet your soulmate on the first date, so you need to give yourself plenty of options. If you spend ages talking to just one person, you're missing out on lots of other potential dates. Chatting to lots of different people and going on lots of dates will hugely enhance your chances of quickly meeting someone that you really click with.

Looking for a delightful date? Join mysinglefriend now!

What makes a great profile narrative?

If you're serious about meeting someone online, a great profile narrative is crucial. Photos are also important, but people want to find out what you are like just as much as how you look. Your profile narrative is the best place to showcase you personality and tell people what you're looking for in a relationship. A generic profile that doesn't say much about who you really are is going to be easily overlooked, so you need to hook your potential date's attention with some details about what a wonderful person you are. Follow these tips to help you make the most of MSF.

Profile headline

Just like a newspaper headline, your profile headline should be brief, snappy and, hopefully, a bit witty. You can use it to explain a bit about yourself, tell people what you're looking for, or just catch someone's attention by making them laugh. 

Good examples:

'Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's... communicate.'

'World traveller seeks first class companion'

Bad examples:

'I don't know what to write'

'.........' (Leaving it blank)

Why should people get to know you?

This is your opportunity to really sell yourself. Whilst you might feel reticent about blowing your own trumpet, there's no room for wallflowers when it comes to online dating. If you're struggling to describe yourself, imagine how your friends would describe you and write that down. If you can't imagine how they would describe you, ask them! 

Mention what you do for a living, but don't turn your profile into a CV as people will be none the wiser as to what you are actually like. Talk about your hobbies and interests, your passions and the things you would like to do in the future.

It's important to make clear at this stage what you're looking for. Obviously a blow-by-blow account of your dream wedding day is taking things too far, but if you're looking for a committed relationship now is the time to say, because it's helpful if everyone is on the same page from the start.

Describe your ideal match

What you don't want to write is a long list of characteristics, such as ideal job, looks, weight, education, salary and hobbies. It's a lot for anyone to live up to and can make you sound superficial and picky. Concentrate instead on values. If you want to meet someone who is ambitious, say you're looking for someone who is passionate about their job. If you're looking for someone who is buff, say you're looking for someone who values their health and takes care of themselves. Writing in this way allows someone to consider whether you have similar values that will make a great relationship, rather than feeling like they aren't ticking all your boxes.

Be positive!

A great rule of thumb for your profile narrative is to keep things upbeat. We've all had struggles in life and we all get grumpy, but don't show these qualities in your profile. Coming over as negative, snarky, bitter or angry is going to put potential dates off immediately. Keep it light and you're much more likely to attract someone.

Looking for a delightful date? Join mysinglefriend now!

Success story: Tara and Mark

Tara and Mark on their wedding day

We're very pleased to introduce you to our latest success story, Tara and Mark! This fabulous pair got in touch to let us know all about how they met on mysinglefriend, a story that involves everything from a beautiful wedding in New Zealand to lawnmowers!

"I was very pragmatic about starting online dating. My son was 3 years old and we had not long been in the UK when I went online. I am a very social, outgoing person but circumstances prevented me from meeting potential partners the way I had previously - at work, through sport and via my three New Zealand-based brothers. Online dating was for me a way of striking up conversations from my living room. In my eyes it was just a matter of getting on with it.

"Mark postponed our first two dates, the first for a work dinner, the second due to illness. I told him ‘three strikes and you’re out’, which would have been a pity as he made me laugh. We ended up meeting on a week where Mark was Mr Thursday and I also had dates with a Mr Tuesday and a Mr Friday. We joked at the wedding that Mark became Mr Sunday Lunch and he’s now Mr Everyday.

"Our wedding was on a Vineyard in New Zealand near where I grew up, 8 years after we met (having both been married before we didn’t rush). My son gave me away to the man that had proved his love and commitment to us. 

"As to our plans for the future….continuing to support each other in our endeavours and help ‘our’ son get through his fast approaching teenage years. We’re a sporty family with Mark being an avid golfer, myself competing at dressage and our son being good at almost everything at which he turns his hand. We both run our own businesses and Mark would like to sell his soon and stop. When I met him he’d moved to a flat due to his divorce and on our first date he said he never wanted to own a lawnmower again. It nearly put me off as I had plans for land in my future. Now we live on 15 acres and Mark’s got a tractor, ride-on and three heavy-duty lawnmowers. He says he’d just like to stop work and play with the machinery all day. Proof that you never know where MSF will take you!"

Proof, indeed! Many congratulations and best wishes for the future to Tara and Mark from all of us here at MSF! If you're still on the lookout for your perfect person, sign up to mysinglefriend.com now and get searching!

Can online dating lead to love?

'Can online dating lead to love?' is the big question that absolutely everyone asks themselves when they sign up to a dating website. The short answer is: yes. The slightly longer answer is: yes, but you have to put some effort in. Whilst some people are lucky enough to meet The One on the first date they go on from MSF, for most people it takes a bit of time. However, with a bit of dedication and a willingness not to give up, online dating can definitely lead to love. Here are a few tips that will help you to meet the person of your dreams.

Complete your online dating profile fully

People won't want to date you if they don't know anything about you, and a half finished profile makes it look like you don't really care about going on dates. If you really want to find love, you need to fill out every tiny detail about who you are and who you're looking for, plus, given that this is mysinglefriend, you need to get a friend to write something about you.

Get some good photos

Quality photos make or break a dating profile, so if you don't have any, or the ones you have aren't very good, you'll be missing out on dates. We've written a whole post about why you need to use great quality pictures which you can read here.

Be proactive

Whilst it would be lovely if Mr or Ms Right somehow managed to seek you out without you lifting a finger, it highly unlikely that it will happen. If you stand shyly by like a wallflower at a the high school dance in Grease, no one is going to see you, so you have to get yourself out there and noticed like Cha Cha DiGregorio (but less horrible to Sandy, please). Seek out people you'd like to meet and engage them in conversation.

Be consistent

Being proactive is one thing, but you must also be consistent. If you get all excited at the beginning and send loads of messages and then don't login for two weeks you'll miss out on replying to people who will already have moved on to dating other people. Login for a few minutes every day to keep things ticking over.

Keep things fresh

If you've been on the site for a few weeks (and that's perfectly normal!) change things up a bit to keep your profile fresh. Adding some different pictures and making some tweaks to your profile often tempts people who might not have got in contact the first time round. 

Go forth and meet people IRL

This is the clincher. It's scary to go out and meet people in real life, but you definitely won't find love if things remain forever online. You can't really tell if there's a spark until you meet someone in the flesh, so it's crucial that you get out there and meet them. Plus, the more you do it, the more your confidence grows, and the more attractive you will be. 

Looking for love? Join mysinglefriend now!

Yet another MSF success story!

We're always happy to hear about an MSF success story, and we received a lovely message from a happy couple via Twitter. These guys didn't provide their names (we know some people like to remain anonymous!), but that doesn't detract from what sounds like a wonderful romance...

'Hello! It was about 10 years ago but we met on MSF - he was my 2nd date. We clearly clicked and he proposed on top of the Empire State Building 6 months later and we got married in 2009. Now 2 girls aged 3 and 6 and haven’t looked back. In fact one of his best friends also was on MSF and met his now wife a few years ago too. He is god father to my youngest! So thanks MSF!'

Our pleasure! If you'd like to let us know about your MSF success story (anonymously or otherwise!) drop us a line at blog@mysinglefriend.com. We'd love to hear from you! And if you're still on the lookout for your perfect person, sign up to mysinglefriend.com now and get searching!

Featured Profile: Lauren

"I'm very easy going, nothing really fazes me..."

We see a lot of profiles here at mysinglefriend.com and each one is as unique and special as the next. Sometimes, though, there is one that stands out from the crowd and deserves to be shared more widely. This week we'd like to introduce you to the lovely Lauren, who loves Pilates, travel, friends and family.

About Lauren...

"I'm very easy going, nothing really fazes me. I'm a Pilates teacher and love my job. I'm fortunate enough to have the most incredible son a great family and friends. I travel lots on my own, with friends and family and with work sometimes. I like my life but would like to share it with someone."

About her ideal match...

"I don't have a physical type but do like men with an adventurous spirit. Someone who's happy to try new things, travel and loves life. Equally happy at home or out."

If you fancy getting in touch with Lauren and going on an adventure, take a look at her profile and drop her a line. And if you fancy being a Featured Profile yourself, get in touch at blog@mysinglefriend.com - we'd love to hear from you!

Visit mysinglefriend.com and sign up now.

Why you shouldn't sweat the small stuff

When we stop obsessing about the little things, our pool of dates immediately gets much bigger

When you embark upon your online dating adventure, it's very easy to get so caught up in the tiny details about other people that you can end up letting some cracking potential dates slip through the net. One couple who met through MSF and are now getting married probably wouldn't have met up at all if they had paid close attention to the small print. Caroline told us that she hadn't looked in much detail about Sid's profile and the night before they met up he sent her a message asking if she had realised he was about about five inches shorter than her. Caroline told us: "In my mind I thought 'Sh**********t' but I wrote back saying 'Of course I knew, it's fine'. 

"We met at Covent Garden tube station, looked at each other and didn't speak for what felt like a few minutes. We later told each other that Sid was thinking 'F**k, she's tall' and I was thinking 'F**k, he's short'. After we'd stared at each other in shock for a while we decided to go for lunch. We chatted non-stop and had so much in common that the height thing just wasn't important!"

Height seems to be of particular importance to women, with research showing that men who are 6ft and over are 33% more likely to be contacted than men of average height (5ft 7). However, we all get hung up on the details and people of both sexes will easily dismiss others based on being a couple of inches too tall, a tiny bit chubby, having the wrong hair colour or living half a mile outside of their preferred area. If we are prepared to be a bit more open minded and stop obsessing about little things, the pool of potential dates will immediately grow much bigger and the likelihood of meeting someone lovely increases.

Caroline and Sid are proof that letting go of our ideas of what someone we fancy 'should' look like can result in a happy-ever-after story, so stop sweating the small stuff and start dating lots more great people.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Success story: Liz and Andy

We'd like to wish a huge congratulations to our latest success story, the wonderful Andy and Liz! The happy couple got in touch recently to let us know all about their new relationship.

"I knew that online dating worked, and now I can say so from experience," says Liz. "I only went on one date, though, and I wonder whether I have missed out on having some of those funny stories to tell, or whether I would have cringed and ditched the whole idea after one or two tries. . I would definitely recommend it to others with a caution to have an open mind and not judge people just on their photos or profiles. What are their emails like? What questions are they asking you and how are they responding to yours? And people can appear very different when you meet them face to face.

"Since we both lived in the same town we met somewhere local and low-key. I was late (this was beginning to be a theme) and he was waiting. As I approached and he turned to greet me, my heart leaped! He was so charming looking. This was it! My first date and its already better than I expected. We hit it off and chatted and laughed over dinner. Then I challenged him to a game of pool at my local - he didn’t let me win - I didn’t want that kind of treatment from an accomplished snooker player - but I think he went easy on me! The date was lovely and he was such a gentleman.

"MSF is the only site I tried and I chose it because (a) some of my friends found love on it and (b) because it meant I didn’t have to write my own profile and blow my own trumpet. Having others do it for me was a bit of an emotional experience - is what they think I’m like? Are these my best characteristics and my funniest stories? It was very interesting but I confess I made them change it a few times so I didn’t sound like a drunken loon! And of course you can write your own profile and respond to theirs so it’s very flexible. I love that your friends can also search the site for you. That could be quite fun and, if nothing else, you can get a second opinion on some potentials!

"Andy and I are looking at moving in together and seeing what happens from there. We’re looking forward to some great holidays and getting involved in each other’s hobbies. We’ve had so much fun together so far and I never imagined I could meet someone so decent online - why wasn’t he snapped up already? Same reason as me, I guess - he hadn’t met the right One."

We're so happy that we helped Liz and Andy both find The One! If you're still on the lookout for your perfect person, sign up to mysinglefriend.com now and get searching!

Success story: Caroline and Sid

The best part of our job is hearing from happy couples who met through mysinglefriend.com. Today we'd like to introduce you to Caroline and Sid, who met on the site 7 years ago and are now about to get married!

"We actually met by mistake because when I first went on MSF I saw all these gorgeous men and I just clicked the heart on the photo on all the chaps I found attractive. It was only later I discovered the filter of age, area, height etc. By this point I had received a few messages and started a conversation with Sid, who had the most gorgeous photo, he was wearing a blue polo shirt and I remember his arms looked amazing!

We went for lunch at 1pm and left the restaurant at 10pm. We chatted non stop and had so much in common. We are getting married in Norfolk next September and we are currently living together in Fulham with our 2 spaniels Bruno and Dyson. Thank you MSF and Sarah Beeny for giving us this opportunity to meet. We are very grateful."

It's our pleasure! Huge congrats to Caroline and Sid from all of us here at MSF! Are you looking to meet The One? Sign up to mysinglefriend.com now and get searching! 

We need your success stories!

Gareth and Annabelle, who recently met on mysinglefriend.com

Over the years, mysinglefriend has brought together countless singles who have gone on to form long-lasting relationships, live together, get married and even have babies. Hearing about MSF success stories always makes our day, as helping people to meet is what we're all about, and it's the cherry on top of the cake when romance blossoms and true love is found. 

As well as making us feel good, success stories go to show that mysinglefriend.com really works. We've always been proud of our community of singles and their friends, and we want to shout it from the rooftops when one of our highly valued bunch of members meets someone special. We'll be featuring future success stories on our brand new blog, so if you are part of a happy MSF couple, or you know someone who is, please get in touch and let us know all about it! Apart from being a wonderful celebration of a budding new (or even old - we often hear from couples who have been together for years) relationship, reading about other people's transformation from hopeful single to happily loved up other half is a wonderful morale booster for everyone else on the site! Drop us a line at blog@mysinglefriend.com if you'd like to share your story.

Visit mysinglefriend.com and sign up now.