If you’ve just started seeing someone, or even just messaging with someone, and it seems to be going well, it hurts when they suddenly vanish for no reason. Whether it happens after you’ve only been in touch for a little while, or you’ve been seeing them for a few months, it’s painful and confusing. Here are some tips on how to deal with it, so you can put it behind you and move on.
call out the person who has ghosted you
If you’re getting the feeling that they’ve bailed on your relationship, the best thing to do is ask them directly. Try something like: ‘I haven’t heard from you for a while so I assume you don’t want this to go any further. I’d like you to be honest with me about your feelings as it’s unkind to leave me hanging.’ A message like this calls out their behaviour whilst giving them an easy opportunity to tell you the truth.
DON’T CHASE after them
If you’ve messaged or called someone a few times and they aren’t getting back to you. don’t keep on chasing them. Whilst your desire to try and get back in touch with them to find out what has happened will be hard to ignore, you have to do it. Consider whether you actually need closure, or if hearing them tell you that they’re just not interested will make you feel worse. Try instead to view them as immature and not capable of being in a relationship as this will help you to stop blaming yourself and move on.
grieve your relationship, however short
Once you’ve accepted that you’ve been ghosted, it’s important to allow yourself to feel upset. It’s natural to build an idea in your mind of how you hope a relationship will pan out, and losing that future is hard to deal with. Allow yourself to feel sad, but also remember that the way they dealt with the situation says more about them than it does about you.
be kind to yourself
Treat yourself the same way as you would after any break up. Have a good cry, talk to your friends and family, wallow for a while and then start taking care of yourself. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, cooking nice meals or watching your your favourite films, do things that make you feel good and remind you that you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself and enjoying your own company.
GET BACK OUT THERE
It’s easy to be put off dating by one horrible experience, but the truth is that getting back out there and talking to new people will help you forget your ghoster much faster. Getting back online makes it a million times more likely you’ll stop you obsessing over what went wrong the last time and meet someone genuine and lovely instead.
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