‘Ghosting’ is a dating term that means abruptly cutting off contact with someone without warning or explanation. They ignore messages and phone calls and essentially vanish into thin are, just like a ghost. Is it ever OK to ghost someone or should you always be honest? Let’s have a look…
WHY DO SOME PEOPLE GHOST?
Basically, because it’s an easy way out as stopping contact with someone is much easier than having a potentially awkward or upsetting conversation. You don’t have to have any confrontation, or feel bad for hurting someone’s feelings, if you avoid all contact and hope they get the hint.
It’s also possible that they may have been ghosted a few times themselves, and think it’s an acceptable thing to do in the current dating landscape. They may think that, as the person they’re dating could be seeing other people, it doesn’t really matter if they just disappear.
HOW DOES GHOSTING IMPACT OTHERS?
Because it’s an ambiguous act that leaves people not knowing where they stand, it can have a bad affect on their feelings. They may feel confused about what they’ve done wrong, rejected and upset. If they’ve been on a few dates they may feel like the relationship is going somewhere and started thinking about the future. Losing this this imagined future can be painful, especially if they can’t talk through what has gone wrong with the person they were seeing.
IS IT BETTER TO BE HONEST?
The short answer is: yes. Although being honest about your feelings can be hard, it’s much kinder to be clear that you don’t want to see someone any more, than to leave them hanging on. You don’t necessarily need to go into detail, but keep it light and kind, for example by saying something like ‘You seem like a really great person but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. Good luck and take care’. This makes it clear that you don’t want to see them again, and the outro demonstrates that you aren’t looking for a big conversation about it.
How someone deals with your decision is up to them, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for being honest with them. In fact, you’re ultimately more likely to feel guilty about ghosting them. Be brave, bite the bullet and show them respect by kindly saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
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