How to get back into dating now summer is nearly over

Summer is a time to relax, socialise and not worry too much. This has been all the more true this year after 18 months of not being able to see our loved ones and travel. However, as summer draws to a close and we’re faced with the approach of darker, colder nights, your thought are probably turning to finding someone to spend those cosy times with. Here are some tips that will help you refresh your profile and get back into the dating game.

Be proactive

If there was one secret to winning at dating, it would be this. Waiting around like a wallflower to be picked never works: you have to take the initiative. Choose the people you’re interested in and message them, rather than sitting around doing nothing whilst your inbox to fills up with people you aren’t really interested in.

Message length really matters

Striking the right balance when it comes to sending messages will help you get replies and, therefore, dates. Sending a message that is too brief, like ‘Hey, how are you?’ suggests you aren’t actually that interested, whereas sending a very long message is not only a) boring to read but b) can come across as needy. A message of around 90 words gives you enough space to make an impression but without coming on too strong.

Be honest, authentic and positive

Lying on your dating profile in terms of age, looks, body shape or achievements might be tempting but is pointless if you want to meet people in real life. As soon as your date realises you’ve been telling porkies, the date is effectively ruined, so be your honest and authentic self online. However, make sure you are presenting yourself in a positive light. For example, if you’re a snorer, this isn’t something they need to know before they’ve even met you.

Develop a thick skin

If you’re serious about meeting someone, you need to be able to deal with rejection. Being turned down at all stages of the process is part and parcel of online dating and you need to develop some strategies to cope with it so you can shrug it off and move on quickly. Time spent agonising over why someone hasn’t replied to a message or doesn’t want a second date is time that could be spent sending more messages.

Persevere

If you haven’t yet met the person of your dreams, you have to keep going. It really is as simple as that. The more people you message, and the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone. Keep searching, keep messaging, keep dating and don’t get downhearted: that magical date where the sparks fly is just around the corner, if you persevere.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Seven ways to know if someone is interested in you

Figuring out if someone you are dating is genuinely interested in a long term relationship can be tricky. However, there are certain signs to look out for that will let you know whether they want to take things further, whether you’re on a first date or you’ve been seeing each other for a while. Here’s how to tell…

They send the first message online

This one is very clear. If someone messages you first, they’re interested enough to take the initiative and drop you a line.

They reply in good time

Someone who replies within minutes or a couple of hours, rather than days or weeks, is interested in you. Don’t expect instant replies though, as you want any potential partner to have a life and interests outside of you.

They talk but allow you time to talk too

If someone either hogs the conversation or barely says a word, they don’t have much genuine interest in you. A person who genuinely wants to get to know you will listen to what you have to say whilst also opening up about themselves.

They prolong your date

If someone suggests you get dessert or coffee, rather than rushing off at the first opportunity, they want to spend more time with you.

They ask you for another date

The clearest indication of whether someone likes you or not is whether they want to see you again. However, some people might feel a bit shy and ask you in an obtuse way, so make sure you’re switched on enough to realise when they’re doing so.

They notice when something changes

Got a new hair cut or a new outfit? If someone likes you they will notice and compliment you on it. A compliment means they’re paying attention to how you look and what you wear, which means they care about you.

They make casual references to the future

Talking about things you might do together in the future is a great sign that someone is looking at a future with you. For example, if you mention a festival and they say ‘We should go together’ you can be sure they’re into you.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Why people ghost and why it's not your fault

If you’ve experienced ghosting, you’ll know it can bring up some unpleasant feelings of uncertainty and low self-esteem. Not having the closure of knowing why someone stopped communicating with you makes it hard to move on with confidence. However, the majority of people probably don’t mean you any harm and are only thinking about themselves when they ghost, rather than having any strong opinions about you. Here are some reasons why people ghost, and why it’s highly unlikely to be your fault.

They’ve taken on too many dates

When you get into internet dating it’s easy to act like a kid in a candy shop and gorge yourself on messaging and meeting up with people. Initially it’s exciting, but if you over commit yourself it can get stressful and exhausting. People who are in this position are likely to just stop communicating and use ghosting as a way to deal with dating burnout.

They’ve got back together with their ex

If an ex is still haunting the edges of someone’s dating landscape, it’s highly likely they will ghost all their other options if it looks like the relationship may start up again. This is especially true if they were in a relationship grey area and their ex didn’t know they were dating again. It could be highly awkward for them if their ex realises they’re chatting with you, so they’re likely to delete your number and avoid all communication.

They’re going through a hard time

If something big and bad happens in someone’s life, such as losing a loved one, moving house or changing jobs, their online dating life will be one of the first things that suffers. They won’t have the energy to spend on making new connections and will turn to old friends and family for support instead. If you really like someone and you suspect this has happened, try reaching out again in a couple of months to see if they are in a different headspace.

They’ve gone exclusive with someone else

If someone is on a dating site, the chances are they are seeing other people. If they’ve been seeing someone for a little while, they may make the decision to go exclusive, which means you will be out of the picture. Whilst the polite thing to do would be to explain the situation to you, people often don’t, perhaps because it feels too awkward to have the conversation.

They don’t deserve you

Ultimately, some people ghost because they can’t be bothered and don’t have enough respect for the people they’re dating to offer some closure. Whilst painful, it means that you have dodged a bullet as they definitely don’t deserve you. Move on and get chatting to someone else - the person of your dreams is definitely out there!

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Five reasons why you shouldn't give up on dating

If you’ve been on a dating site for a while, it’s easy to get disheartened, and that’s totally normal. A very tiny number of people meet The One on their first date but for most people it takes a while longer. The truth is that the more you keep dating, the more likely you are to meet someone special, so here are five reasons not to give up now.

You’ve already put a lot of effort in

If you’ve already gone through the effort of setting up a profile, writing your narrative and adding photos, you’ve already done the hard part. Once you’re online, it’s simply a case of looking at the site on a regular basis and seeing who pops up on your matches. It’s a good idea to be proactive by sending messages, but once you’ve done it a couple of times, you know the drill and it’s easy.

A small change might make a big difference

If you aren’t getting much response online, or you aren’t feeling chemistry with your dates, it’s time to adjust your search parameters. Consider changing the age or distance ranges and think about dating people you would normally pass by for minor reasons. If you’ve seen someone on the site for a while but have always rejected them, why not send them a message? You might develop a real rapport that blossoms into something more.

Don’t give up, just have a break

If you really need a rest from it all, just take a break rather than deleting your profile. You can stop logging in altogether if you like, as your profile will still be there when you get your enthusiasm back and decide to return. Alternatively, you can be super passive with the site and only visit when you get an email suggesting a match. It’s up to you how much you engage, so take it as easy as you like.

Your profile might need a makeover

If you feel like quitting, why not give your profile a makeover instead? Simply changing your profile photo can make a huge difference, as people who have passed you by before will suddenly notice you afresh. The great thing about MySingleFriend is that you can get a friend to help. If you haven’t already got a friend describing you, ask someone to write a few lines. It will give both you and your profile a big boost.

Because the next one could be The One

Ultimately, you only need one right date before you’re on the road to happily ever after. Of course, it may take weeks or months of wrong dates, but once you go on one right one, you won’t have to date anymore. The more dates you go on, the more likely you are to meet that special someone, so it’s worth keeping going. Remind yourself that the next date could lead to The One, and you’ll stop feeling like quitting.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Five ways to create a connection with your date

Meeting a stranger for the first time is always a bit awkward, even if you’ve been chatting online or on the phone beforehand. If you are able to instantly put your date at ease, the nerves will fade away and you can start getting to know each other properly. Here are five ways to create an instant connection.

Make eye contact

Eye contact is the quickest way to form a connection with someone. It shows confidence and that you’re enjoying their company. If you avoid their gaze, they may feel you think they’re boring or that you feel uncomfortable. If you really struggle with eye contact, try focussing on the end of their nose instead as, to them, it will seem like you are gazing into their eyes.

Genuinely listen

Hopefully you’ll be completely engrossed in what they’re saying but sometimes anxiety or nerves can make us self-conscious, which stops us from concentrating. By genuinely listening to what they’re saying, and demonstrating that through body language and asking questions, they will be able to relax, which will make you feel calm and confident too.

Touch their arm

A light, brief arm touch is a good way to let your date know what you’re engaged with what they’re saying, and that you feel comfortable enough with them for a small amount of physical contact. Make sure the touch stays between the wrist and the elbow, and don’t try to touch them anywhere else on a first date. Pay attention to how they respond to your touch: if they look uncomfortable or move away, don’t try it again, but wait to see if they reciprocate later.

Read their body language

Reading and reacting to someone’s body language is a great way to connect with them. For example, if they’re leaning towards you when they talk and maintaining eye contact, this is a good sign (and a good moment for a gentle arm touch!). Mirroring someone’s body language is an effective, non-verbal way to demonstrate empathy.

Tell them you like them

This one sounds very obvious, but it’s very hard to do. If you’ve enjoyed spending time with someone, tell them that you’d like to meet up with them again. It sounds much better in real life than it will later in a text, which can often be misread or forgotten about. Tell them you like them and see what happens.

Looking for a few first dates? Join mysinglefriend now!

Five tips for a fantastic first date

When you’re looking for love online, setting up your profile and messaging people is only a small part of it. When it’s time to meet someone in real life, you can’t hide behind your keyboard and spend ages thinking up witty replies to their messages. You have to show up in person and do the work. But fear not, it’s not as scary as it sounds. Just follow these few simple tips and you’ll be having a great time before you’ve even realised it.

Make an (appropriate amount of) effort with your appearance

The key thing here is to make an effort, but ensure that you still feel comfortable. If you’re the type of person who wears a sharp suit or low cut dress every day of the week, then go for it, but if you spend most of your time in jeans and a t-shirt, then getting very dressed up is just going to make you feel weird. Choose an outfit that looks great, but still allows you to feel like you.

Don’t be late

This is basic, but it matters. If you can’t manage to turn up on time (give or take five minutes or some kind of catastrophe), your date will think you don’t really care and everything will be off to a bad start. If you are habitually late, build this into your plan and leave way earlier than you usually would.

Ask questions

If you get nervous and struggle to talk about yourself, ask your date questions instead. It will enable you to relax and warm up a bit, plus it’s an attractive trait. It’s another basic tip, but it’s surprising how many people view a date as an opportunity to talk a lot and sell themselves, rather than find out about the other person.

Do an activity together

Staring at a stranger over a table and feeling awkward does not make for a great first date. If you find chatting to people you don’t know hard, try doing an activity with them instead. We’re still restricted on what we can do at the moment, but even going for a walk whilst sipping a takeaway coffee can help you relax and make conversation easier.

Don’t think about the future

If you turn up with a head full of ideas about this person being The One, and all of the baggage that entails, you’ll have a less successful date than if you just plan on having a laugh with someone new for a couple of hours. We all have dreams about how we’d like things to pan out, but if you immediately project your happy ever after onto someone they’ll have an awful lot to live up to, through no fault of their own, and you’re bound to be disappointed. Concentrate on having a nice time instead, and see where things go.

Looking for a few first dates? Join mysinglefriend now!

5 questions to ask your date before you meet in person

If you’ve been chatting regularly with someone you met on MySingleFriend, you probably feel like you know each other pretty well. However, whilst you may be having some great banter and have some things in common, you still don’t know the real one. It’s worth asking each other some questions that could reveal deal breaking answers before you make the commitment to meeting up IRL. Try these ones to get down to the real nitty gritty.

Do you wear a masK?

If you’re meeting for a drink outside a pub, you’ll have to wear a mask. If not, it’s a good idea to check as if they do want to wear a mask, you can make them feel comfortable by doing likewise. Some people may not even believe in wearing masks, so it’s a good idea to make sure you’re on the same page.

What’s your biggest pet peeve in a partner?

If you love singing at the top of your voice at home and they love a quiet space, asking a question like this might point out potential problems early. Equally, if they have a list as long as your arm of petty things that annoy them, you might discover you’ve dodged a bullet.

What’s the best advice someone has ever given you?

This should provide a deeper dive into what they think is important and how they think about the world. At the very least, you will hopefully get some good advice out of it!

When was the last time you were in a relationship?

If you haven’t touched on previous relationships before, now is the time. It will give you some insight into whether they could be on the rebound or are a but of a commitment-phobe. It will also give you the opportunity to talk about exes, which will give you some clues as to whether they’re over their last relationship yet.

What did you do this weekend?

Asking what they got up to on the weekend will give you some clues at to what life with them might be like, and whether you could get on board with it. If you like spending Saturday cycling long distances and they like going down the pub, you may run into problems.

Can I hug or kiss you hello?

Establishing each other’s boundaries before you meet up will prevent any awkwardness when you actually meet. People have different boundaries and you or your date may prefer a totally socially distanced date, whilst the other party may be up for a little hand holding or a kiss on the cheek. If you’re clear to begin with, you’ll both know where you stand.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to dating?

Do you feel like you aren’t getting enough dates and you can’t figure out why? Often we blame outside factors for the fact that our love life isn’t going the way we’d like it to, but sometimes our own unconscious behaviours are things that are holding us back. Here’s how you may be sabotaging your dating life without even realising.

You aren’t paying attention to your profile

If you’ve been online for a while and you aren’t getting much interest, it’s time to shake up your profile. The most important thing you can do is add new photos, but small details like changing the age range of the people you’re looking for can also help. A stale, neglected profile won’t do you any favours.

You take ages to reply to messages

Whilst you don’t need to reply instantly, if you leave it too long to get back in touch, potential dates will think you aren’t serious about dating and will move on. Make time to reply to all messages at least once a day.

You’re playing it too cool

Playing hard to get rarely works, and it is definitely a turn off if you’re communicating online and haven’t even met yet! Enthusiasm is attractive, so show your excitement about meeting up with people and getting to know them.

You look too hard for reasons to turn people down

If you view all potential date’s profiles looking for reasons not to date them, you can’t then claim there just aren’t any good people out there. If you look for the good things and give everyone a chance, you’re much more likely to meet someone.

You’re unavailable

If you’re so busy with work that you barely have time to schedule a dentist’s appointment, let alone a date, you’re going to find meeting someone hard. Consider whether now is the right time to be dating, and if you need to make changes so you have time to actually go on dates.

You’re not making dating a priority

The above point leads onto this one. If you aren’t making time to give dating the attention it deserves, you will find it very hard to meet someone. If you’re really serious about your dating life, make it a priority, and you’ll soon end up with some great dates.

Fancy a date? Join mysinglefriend.com now!

Success story: Eleanor and Jon

We’ve got another success story for you! We’d like you to meet Eleanor and Jon who met on the site a few years ago and have since been joined by another family member. Eleanor told us their story…

“I was initially sceptical about online dating until I met several nice people on other sites, but MSF was the only site where you could find out what people's friends thought about them, which turned out to be surprisingly accurate and much more reflective of who they were than their own bios. It also seemed a lot more light hearted and fun when your mates were writing the reviews.

“Our first date nearly didn't happen. He changed the time and I didn't get the message so went home assuming he had cancelled, but then he called me from the pub and I ended up dashing there on my bike. When I arrived I was so hot and thirsty that I downed my pint of cider in record time and bolted a plate of chips - luckily he was impressed not revolted! We spent the rest of the evening lost in conversation until well after closing time. I remember thinking when I got home that I might have just met my husband, and exactly two years later in Venice he asked me to marry him. I said yes before he finished speaking!

“We had a wonderful wedding in the church I grew up in, followed by a great party for all our friends in three tipis in a field in the Cotswolds, on a perfect sunny day in August. We left for our honeymoon after a barbecue the next day and flew to Corsica for two weeks of beaches, wine and amazing food. I wore my wedding tiara through airport security and we drank a bottle of champagne in the check in queue. It was magical!

“Our baby arrived last summer weighing 7lbs 10oz. She is turning our lives upside down in the most enchanting way and we are learning how to be parents - it's fun and terrifying and wonderful. I hope that many more people continue to find special people to spend their lives with on MSF. I never thought I would be one of those lucky people able to send in a success story, but I'm proof that you never know who you might meet tomorrow.”

Congratulations to this happy little family from all of us at MySingleFriend! If you’re looking for long term love, sign up free to mysinglefriend.com and get searching!

What to do when you've been ghosted

Being ghosted is never fun. If you’ve just started seeing someone, or even just messaging with someone, and it seems to be going well, it hurts when they suddenly vanish for no reason. Whether it happens after you’ve only been in touch for a little while, or you’ve been seeing them for a few months, it’s painful and confusing. Here are some tips on how to deal with it, so you can put it behind you and move on.

What to say if you suspect you’ve been ghosted

If you’re getting the feeling that they’ve bailed on your relationship, the best thing to do is ask them directly. Try something like: ‘I haven’t heard from you for a while so I assume you don’t want this to go any further. I’d like you to be honest with me about your feelings as it’s unkind to leave me hanging.’ A message like this calls out their behaviour whilst giving them an easy opportunity to tell you the truth.

Don’t chase the ghost

If you’ve messaged or called someone a few times and they aren’t getting back to you. don’t keep on chasing them. Whilst your desire to try and get back in touch with them to find out what has happened will be hard to ignore, you have to do it. Consider whether you actually need closure, or if hearing them tell you that they’re just not interested will make you feel worse. Try instead to view them as immature and not capable of being in a relationship as this will help you to stop blaming yourself and move on.

Allow yourself to feel upset

Once you’ve accepted that you’ve been ghosted, it’s important to allow yourself to feel upset. It’s natural to build an idea in your mind of how you hope a relationship will pan out, and losing that future is hard to deal with. Allow yourself to feel sad, but also remember that the way they dealt with the situation says more about them than it does about you.

Look after yourself

Treat yourself the same way as you would after any break up. Have a good cry, talk to your friends and family, wallow for a while and then start taking care of yourself. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, cooking nice meals or watching your your favourite films, do things that make you feel good and remind you that you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself and enjoying your own company.

Don’t be scared to get back out there

It’s easy to be put off dating by one horrible experience, but the truth is that getting back out there and talking to new people will help you forget your ghoster much faster. Getting back online makes it a million times more likely you’ll stop you obsessing over what went wrong the last time and meet someone genuine and lovely instead.

Visit mysinglefriend.com and sign up now.

Five types of profile photo you need to avoid

A picture is worth a thousand words, as the old saying goes, and nowhere is that more true than on your dating profile. First impressions count, so it’s crucial that your primary photo is one that will catch attention and spur potential dates on to getting in touch with you. Here are the types of photo you should avoid using to increase your chances of success.

Selfies

Unless you’ve taken a really good shot with a selfie stick, pictures you’ve taken of yourself are a big no-no. They don’t show you off to your big potential and are usually either at a weird angle or in a bathroom mirror, which is never a good look. If you don’t have any pictures of yourself to hand, which is rare in the age of social media, ask a friend to take some new shots of you.

Poor quality photos

If your profile photo is dark, fuzzy, pixelated or you’re too far away from the camera to be seen clearly, it’s a bad choice. A well-focussed, clear, colourful head and shoulders shot will get you the most attention and clicks on your profile.

Group shots

Whilst having friends is a great thing, they don’t need to be in your main dating profile photo. Potential dates are looking to meet you and not your friends (not yet, anyway!). It can also be unclear which one is actually you, which can make things confusing, meaning someone will ignore your profile in favour of some else’s.

Pouty, moody shots

You may think a photo of your pouting makes you look like your on the cover of Vogue, but in reality it makes you look moody and grumpy, which is a massive turn off. A big smile is much more attractive and far more likely to encourage someone contact you. People want the dates they go on to be fun, so it’s important to come over as someone upbeat and warm.

Old pictures

Tempting as it might be to upload a picture from five years ago where you looked a bit younger and carried a couple less pounds, it’s not a good idea. As soon as you meet your date IRL they will know what you’ve hoodwinked them a bit and things will be off to a bad start. Find a flattering photo of how look now instead.

Visit mysinglefriend.com and sign up now.

How to make your dating profile stand out in 2021

Online dating is traditionally very busy in January so now is the perfect time to give your profile a boost. We may be back in lockdown, but you are still allowed to meet one person from another household outside (socially distanced, of course) so you can still meet up and chat with potential dates. And, now we have to be at home again, you have lots of time on your hands to give your dating profile some TLC. Here are some great tips on making it stand out.

Change your photos

Updating your profile is a surefire way to freshen up your profile. Even if you think the one you’ve had as your primary shot for ages is the best photo that was ever taken of you, it’s time to change it. People who have previously passed you by will have their interest piqued and you’ll gain a whole new audience.

Get specific

If your profile currently states that you like drinking wine, going to the gym or enjoy ‘culture’, it’s time to get specific. Do you enjoy lifting weights or doing kettlebell classes? Have you been on a vineyard tour around California? Do you love visiting modern art museums? Adding detail makes it easier for people to start a conversation with you.

Ask a friend to write about you

The beauty of MySingleFriend is that you don’t have to do all the hard work as a friend can write about you too. It’s a unique feature of our site so make sure you use it! Having someone else chip in some stories and details about you really makes your profile come to life.

Write about what your looking for

It really helps potential dates to know what you’re looking for and what you’re likely to respond to. We don’t recommend including too many dealbreakers, such as ‘must be brunette’, but saying you’d like to meet someone who loves being outdoors helps potential dates picture themselves with you and will be more likely to get in touch.

Stay positive

We’ve all had a tough time lately but it’s important to make sure you’re a shining beacon of positivity when online dating, rather than adding extra gloom to someone’s life. Of course there’s always room for a bit of a moan but save it for when you meet someone in person, rather than putting them off you by including it in your profile.

If you’re looking for long term love, sign up free to mysinglefriend.com and get searching!

Why being single at Christmas is the best

Christmas can feel like a tricky time if you’re single. Instagram is full of loved up couple couples wearing Christmas jumpers and exchanging gifts, festive films like Love Actually are pushing the romance and it’s easy to feel a bit flat. However, there are some very big plus points to being single at Christmas - here’s why flying solo at this time of year is actually the best.

You don’t have to visit the in-laws

Choosing who to spend Christmas with is a minefield when you have a partner and this year it will be even worse because only three households are able to mix over a very short period. And if you do decide to forego seeing you own immediate family and spend it with your partner’s, there’s no guarantee you won’t end up wishing very hard you were elsewhere. When you’re single you can please yourself, and that is a real luxury so enjoy it whilst you can.

You can avoid the gift giving stress

For many couples, giving presents comes with a big dollop of stress. Will you spend roughly the same amount, or does someone splash out too much? What if your other half barely puts any thought in when you’ve combed the internet for hours for just the right thing? How about if you’ve dropped hints for months and it turns out they’re completely tone deaf when it comes to your desires? If you don’t have a partner to give a present to, you won’t have this worry.

You can look forward to meeting someone

Despite what we might hope for in terms of romance and togetherness, Christmas can actually put a massive strain on relationships. If a couple have already spent too much time cooped up together in 2020, Christmas is only going to make that overfamiliarity and general irritation worse. If you’re single you can spend Christmas dreaming about that wonderful someone you’re going to meet next year instead of getting annoyed at your partner because they’ve put the decorations up wrong again.

You can opt out altogether

Everyone should spend one Christmas doing exactly what they want with no obligations, so why not make this one yours? Spend it with a gang of likeminded friends or go it completely alone and spend the day watching whatever you want on telly, or going out for a long walk. The end of the year is a great time to reflect on your life and get yourself in a great headspace for 2021.

If you’re looking for long term love, sign up free to mysinglefriend.com and get searching!

Success story: Melanie and Toby

We’ve got another lovely success story to share with you today. Melanie and Toby got in touch to let us know all about how they met on the site.

“I was nervous but also excited about joining up to the site,” says Melanie. “I was widowed two years previously and felt nervous about meeting someone and then introducing them to my son. My son was only three so very young. Being a single parent makes it more complicated meeting anyone/dating and having a relationship. I felt though that this was a good way to ‘vet’ someone. I didn’t feel pressure to meet initially or give my personal details as we were able to message through MySingleFriend. It felt safer. I think online dating is a great way for busy people to meet people that they may never have met otherwise. That was definitely the case for us.

“Our first date (11 years ago) was two weeks after we first started ‘chatting’. We met for dinner at a restaurant. I was quite nervous but he soon put me at ease and made me laugh. He’d remembered my favourite movie was The Goonies and brought me the DVD wrapped in wallpaper that looked like it was 40 years old. He did admit he didn’t have any wrapping paper and found it under the stairs! We discovered on that first date that we may have inadvertently met years before when we were students at university. Toby had tried to gatecrash one of our parties in the halls where I was doing my nurse training.

“We got engaged on a deserted beach in Barbados in 2011. We had our daughter by then (she was 8 months old) and we were away with her and my son. By this point he had been calling Toby ‘daddy’ for a while and our daughter had completed our family. Toby has been acting a bit weirdly the day we got engaged. He was kind of on edge and I thought something was wrong! He went for a walk with our daughter, and then gestured to my son and I to come over. He then got down on one knee with her and had written in the sand ‘Will you marry me?’ but said ‘Will you marry us’! It was a very special moment, just the four of us in the beach. There were a few tears!

“We got married a year later in 2012 at Parley Manor in Dorset. It was such a special day with friends and family and with our children. Our son did a reading and presented the rings. We had a last minute getaway honeymoon, but with two children in tow it was not your typical honeymoon!! We had a lovely week together but we are hoping to go away and have a ‘real’ honeymoon on our 10 year wedding anniversary, just the two of us!

“It’s been a busy 11 years since we met.! A few months after we married we moved house to a village where Toby grew up. We wanted to have a more ‘country’ lifestyle and for our children to have the opportunity to go to a village school. We feel so privileged to have met each other and have had a wonderful life to date. We have made so many memories on holidays in this country and abroad. Most importantly we’ve enjoyed the life that we have made for ourselves in our home which we have renovated over the past 8 years. Now the children are older (Jack is now 14 at secondary school and Jessica is 10) I work full time again as a lung cancer specialist nurse and life is pretty busy!”

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How to start dating after divorce

After the stress of divorce, it may be a while before you’re ready to start thinking about dating again. Everyone has their own timeline for when they’re ready to get out there again, so don’t be afraid to wait until you’re totally ready. It’s important to reflect on what has happened and take stock, as jumping straight into something may not be a good idea if you’re not emotionally ready. Once you are prepared to take the plunge, follow these tips to help you navigate your new dating life.

Ask yourself if you’re dating for the right reasons

Whilst a little distraction is a good thing when you’re going through a hard time, it’s important to give yourself the time and space to grieve and heal. Jumping into a new relationship before you’re fully ready may just compound your feelings of sadness, so make sure you’re doing it because you’ve moved on enough to enjoy it.

Set reasonable expectations

Don’t approach a date assuming you’re about to meet The One and get married. It’s possible your first post-divorce relationship isn’t going to be a rebound, but it’s rare to walk out of one long term thing and straight into another. Be prepared for your dates not to work out, so you’ll be pleasantly surprised if and when they do.

Be honest about your past

There’s absolutely no point in being misleading about yourself, your life, your past relationships or your kids, if you have them, either in your online profile or in person. Eventually, the truth will have to come out and you will look, at best, dishonest, and all of your time and effort will be wasted. It’s important to find someone who genuinely shares your values, and who likes you for who you are.

Take it slowly

Don’t throw yourself into something serious with the first person you meet. Speak to multiple people online and go on plenty of dates. If you’ve been with the same person for a long time you may automatically seek out something that feels similar, but remember that you’re looking for something new. If you have children, don’t introduce them to your new partner until you’re very sure that they’re going to be around for the long haul.

Enjoy yourself

Dating should be fun, so try not to take it too seriously. Don’t approach every date like you’re going to end up being with this person forever, as a lot of the time you just won’t hit it off. However, you will have a lot of fun times with new people, which has a huge amount of value in itself. The more dates you go on, the more you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself.

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Dating in Autumn: why it's the best

It seems to be the received wisdom that summer is the best time to date, and, of course, all those picnics, BBQs, sunset walks and al fresco dinners are wonderful. However, we think there’s a lot to be said for the joys of dating in autumn. Not convinced? We’ve got five reasons that we think will change your mind.

The weather is perfect

If you’ve ever turned up to a summer date red-faced, perspiring and desperately trying to hide the big sweat patches under your armpits, you’ll know that dating in hot weather isn’t all its cracked up to be. Autumn provides the perfect balance between hot and cold.

It looks so romantic

On a sunny day when the russet leaves are falling gently from the trees, you can’t help but feel like the world is a gloriously romantic place. Plus, you can get some super romantic couples selfies for Instagram too. Pop on your cutest woolly jumpers and get outside.

Dating sites are packed with new members

Dating sites get busier in months in the leading up to Christmas, as no one wants to spend the winter shivering on their own without a bae to snuggle up to, so you’ll have a larger pool of lovely people to choose from.

It’s the perfect time for hygge

Although originally a Scandinavian concept, the British are now fully on board with hygge. For those who still haven’t heard of it, hygge (pronounced ‘hoo-ga’) is a Danish and Norwegian word for a feeling of cosy contentment and wellbeing, usually brought about by snuggling up somewhere warm with a cup of something hot. Perfect for dating.

There are loads of fun dating options

People don’t do much in the summer, apart from obsess about being out in the sun, so autumn is when loads of fun events happen. Though they may be curtailed by coronavirus this year, you can still carve pumpkins, watch fireworks and make Christmas gifts together.

Looking for an autumnal date? Join mysinglefriend now!

Five reasons why you should never ghost someone

The term ‘ghosting’ means to suddenly cut all ties and communication with someone you have been dating. Whilst some people claim that they think suddenly vanishing is less hurtful than a straight up rejection, the opposite is true. Studies have shown that that a clear ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ is much better for us than being ignored. Here are five reasons why ghosting someone is never acceptable.

It’s cowardly and immature

Unless someone has behaved badly towards you, crossed boundaries or made you feel unsafe, they deserve to be treated with respect. Ghosting is a cowardly and immature way out of a situation, and highlights your own fragility and insecurity as someone not able to have a grown up conversation. If you claim you’re looking for a serious relationship but still go around ghosting people, you need to have a long, hard look at yourself.

It doesn’t provide closure

When you ghost someone, you don’t definitively turn them down. This will leave them wondering what went wrong and trying to figure out if you might turn up again. They may even be genuinely worried for your safety, if you’ve suddenly vanished. Essentially, it doesn’t allow them to move on with a clear mind and open heart, which just isn’t fair.

It makes you look bad

We all care about what other people think of us, so it should bother you that ghosting makes you look bad. Whilst you might think you’ll never see this person again, so it doesn’t matter, you just never know when they might turn up again in your life.

It doesn’t help you grow

If you want to settle down in a long term relationship, you need to learn how to communicate with another person, even when it feels uncomfortable. Real relationships aren’t all sunshine and flowers, and require difficult conversations and being honest about your feelings. If you keep ghosting people because it’s too hard to have a frank talk with them, you’ll never be ready for a proper relationship.

It makes dating harder for everyone

Ghosting puts people off dating, which makes it harder for everyone to meet someone. Treating the rest of the dating community with respect makes it a more enjoyable and less stressful place to be. What goes around comes around, and the more you ghost, the more likely it is that someone will ghost you.

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6 early signs someone is looking for a real relationship

If you know you’re looking for a long term relationship it can be very frustrating to find out you’ve gone on several dates with someone who is only in it for the short term. Whilst MySingleFriend mainly attracts people who are looking for something genuine and long lasting, you may still find people whose ideas about the future aren’t compatible with yours. Here are the early signs to look out for which will tell you if someone is looking for a real relationship or not.

They’ve had long term relationships in the past

If someone has a history of commitment it’s likely they will want to get into another one. We don’t recommend grilling them about their relationship history on a first date, but they are bound to mention things here and there that will give you some pointers.

They drop hints about their relationship goals

If someone is a major commitment-phobe, they will steer the conversation away from topics like marriage and children the moment it begins to stray close. However, if someone is comfortable talking about those topics, even though not in relation to your own lives, it’s a good sign.

They make you a priority

You’ll be able to tell if someone is making you a priority, however small the clues are. For example, if someone always calls you when they say they will, answers text messages and initiates seeing you, at least some of the time, you’ll know they have a genuine interest in a relationship with you.

They start making small commitments to you

Your date may begin to make tiny steps towards commitment, when the time is right, such as asking if you can be exclusive, wanting to get to know your friends, or leaving items at your home. This strongly suggests they aren’t just in it for the short term and are seeing you as an ongoing part of their future.

They introduce you to friends and family

If someone is envisioning a long term relationship with you, they will want to embed you in all areas of their life, including meeting friends and family. When someone starts to enmesh you in their social circles like this you can be pretty sure they aren’t just in it for the sake of a few hook ups.

They make plans for the future

We’re not talking marriage and kids at this stage, but if someone is making plans with you a few months into the future they’re obviously interested in you. This could be a concert that’s a while off or a summer holiday, but even if the details aren’t mapped out, they’re definitely thinking in the longer term.

If you’re looking for long term love, sign up free to mysinglefriend.com and get searching!

Success story: Abby and Derron

Abby and Derron recently got in touch to let us know what it has been a whole decade since they met on MySingleFriend. And what a decade it’s been for them - they’ve married, had children and gone on some amazing travelling adventures together as a family. Abby and Derron were kind enough to fill us in on all the wonderful things that have happened to them since they both made that fateful first click.

“When joined the site, online dating it was a fairly new concept,” Abby writes. “I thought it was for people who couldn’t meet someone in real life, to be honest. I agreed to try it out because the profile my friend wrote for me was really very thoughtful. I distinctly remember the expression on my mother in law’s face when I told her we had met online; I thought she was going to spit out her tea. To her credit she kept her composure and I’d like to think there are no reservations anymore!

“From talking to friends now, I would say there are some sites I would consider to be for people looking for love, and a lot for people looking for a hook up. What I did appreciate from my own experience was getting to know my now husband as a friend first. We would chat and talk for hours, in the weeks leading up to our first date... It really broke down those walls and that connection is what we built our love on, as opposed to perhaps something more fleeting and elusive.

For our first date we agreed to meet for lunch. In my mind I thought, if he’s a total creep I can always escape with the excuse that I have to rush back to work. It was a week day and as it so happens my boss was a bit of a doctrinaire to the rule book when it came to leisurely lunch hours. I ran from Soho to Covent Garden where he had booked an extravagant French restaurant which sadly no longer exists. I think he liked the fact I had to run. In heels. And a pencil skirt. Ha! We discovered that we had more than I realised in common and he did most of the talking, I could tell it was nerves which I found endearing and just a little flattering. I rushed back to the office and straight away pinged him a message about how much I enjoyed the lunch, he appreciated my ‘refreshing candidness’ (I think it was naivety more than anything but he was grateful I wasn’t out to play the game). He asked if we could continue for drinks later that day. Of course I agreed. We went to Galvin at Windows in Mayfair and the rest is history.

“ We married in May 2010 in Phuket, Thailand. We are both originally from Australia- and before you jump to conclusions, no, It was not one of my requirements to meet an Aussie, just pure serendipitous fortune, depending on which way you look at it! We have a firm base here in London, having both spent many, many years here, so there was no obvious choice for wedding destination. We decided to invite everyone, and ‘the important people would show up’.

“Well, they called our bluff and we had over 100 guests with a week of holidaying prior to the big day full of fun and island hopping surrounded by friends and family before the big day as we had arranged to all booked villas in the same resort. We asked guests for donations as our honeymoon plans took us to Cambodia to visit some local orphanages where we donated school and sports supplies, and then on to Vietnam for some more exploring.

“Shortly after our wedding, my husband made the leap of acquiring a new business, venturing out on his own. It was a tumultuous and uncertain time, that required (and still requires) not only his dedication, but my absolute support. A leap of faith for both of us. I admire him greatly for his strength and perseverance, but it has not been without hardship. Within a year of our wedding we welcomed our first born, a daughter Ariana. I made the tough decision to stay at home with her, raising a family away from family is not always easy! When she was three we welcomed another daughter Penelope. Quite unexpectedly, but to our delight, we welcomed our boy Theodore 22 months later.

“We continued to make the most of the proximity to Europe and enjoy travelling with our little family, including our two pups who are no longer with us. We have taken them on many adventures including France, Belgium, Switzerland, Italy, Denmark, Bali, Australia, Greece, Croatia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, U.S.A and many more. We love to travel, despite the logistics of doing so with a young family, it is the bond of shared memories that enriches our love.”

We’d like to say a huge thank you to Abby and Derron for sharing their story with us and wish the whole family best wishes for the future!

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How to take your online relationship offline now lockdown is over

If you spent the long weeks of lockdown getting to know someone on MySingleFriend, you’re probably thinking about meeting up in real life, now that restrictions are easing. If you’re new to online dating, or are returning after a while, it can feel a bit daunting to stop seeing someone digitally and see how you get on face to face. Here are some tips that will make the experience easier.

Don't leave it too long

Whilst lockdown was happening you had the perfect excuse for not venturing out to meet someone if you were feeling a bit nervous. However, the longer you exchange messages, the more this person is going to seem like a casual pen friend than a potential love interest. There's also the possibility that someone more proactive will ask them on a date and snap them up. Now you've developed a bit of a rapport it's time to build on it by meeting face to face.

Offer alternative contact details

One simple way to start to move things offline is to offer your phone number. Chatting on the phone or texting generally feels more personal than on a dating site, so the offer of a date may come up more naturally this way. However, don't just exchange messaging online for texting instead of meeting up as you still won't have a solid idea of what they're like.

Save some stories for the actual date

If you share too much about yourself online, you could end up without much to  talk about when you actually meet up in real life, which is a sure fire way to crush any chemistry that might exist between you. There's nothing more alluring than a bit of mystery, so don't kill the intrigue by laying out your entire life story before they've even set eyes on you.

Be prepared to be disappointed

It's easy to idealise people before you meet them and imagine they are everything you've dreamed of and more, but remember that these thoughts have no basis in reality until you've actually met someone and got to know them a bit. Lower your expectations a little and be clear about who they really are and not who you want them to be. This is a good reason to take things offline fairly quickly, rather than spending ages chatting online and feeling no chemistry when you finally get to meet.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

When dating online, the likelihood is that you won't meet your soulmate on the first date, so you need to give yourself plenty of options. If you spend ages talking to just one person, you're missing out on lots of other potential dates. Chatting to lots of different people and going on lots of dates will hugely enhance your chances of quickly meeting someone that you really click with.

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