From chatting to dating: how to make the move

So, you’ve matched with someone and exchanged a few messages, but how do you make the move from online talk to meeting up in real life? There are no fixed answers and it depends on how comfortable you feel, but here are a few tips to help…

Test the water

Instead of going straight in and asking for a date immediately, have a bit of a chat first. This may last a couple of days or even a few weeks, but it allows you both to test the water a bit before meeting up IRL. You may be champing at the bit to get to the in-person bit, but talking online allows you to get to know each other a bit without it getting too personal too quickly.

Get past the small talk

A bit of initial small talk and banter is good, but at some stage you should try and move past this into slightly more personal territory. Of course you shouldn’t overshare at this stage, but bringing up topics like family will allow you to start to get to past the surface level stuff and start nurturing those first shoots of a relationship.

Try a phone or video call

Seeing someone on screen or hearing their voice will give you an even better sense of who they are, while still allowing you to keep your distance if you’re still not ready to meet in person. And when you are ready, having already spoken with them will mean you won’t feel quite so anxious about making that all important good first impression.

Start small

Don’t make your first real life meet up a long one. A quick coffee at lunch time or early evening will allow you to assess whether or not there’s a spark without committing you to spending hours in each other’s company. If you decide you’d like to see each other again, you can make a plan to do something that takes longer, like go for a meal. Starting small allows you to build trust and interest in each other slowly and thoughtfully.

Practise!

Don’t feel like you have to only stick to only talking to one person on at a time MySingleFriend. Get conversations going with several people and work up to meeting them all. As well as widening the pool of potential partners, it gives you lots of practise in going on first dates. This will translate into confidence, which will make you more attractive than ever.

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How to get more replies to your messages

Once you've got your dating profile online and honed to absolute perfection, it's time to start sending messages. This is the tricky bit and it's easy to feel disheartened if you're sending out messages but not getting many replies. However, there are a few simple tricks that you can employ to hook the interest of potential dates and make sure they reply, without coming on too strong or resorting to silly pick up lines. Here's how...

1. Make your subject line more interesting than "Hi"

If the person you've messaged has got an inbox stuffed with messages that start 'Hi', 'Hello' or 'Hey', you won't stand out from the crowd if you do exactly the same. Spend a little time thinking up a witty one-liner or something else that will catch their eye. Another great tip is to refer it back to something in their profile, which leads us neatly on to...

2. Make it clear that you've read their profile

Mentioning something you've read in their profile shows that a) you're showing a genuine interest in them and b) you aren't just copying and pasting the same message to everyone. Copying and pasting a message to loads of people is the dating equivalent of throwing mud at a wall and seeing what sticks, which isn't a position your potential date will want to be in. Make your message personal and people will be much more likely to reply.

3. Tell them about yourself

Yes, they can find out about you from your profile, but telling them a bit about yourself will grab their interest and make them more likely to visit your profile than one of those hideously banal messages that goes something like 'Hey, how are you?' Whilst you might be the most fascinating creature to ever walk the earth, they'll only know if you tell them, so get some details in there before they click away to a more interesting message.

4. Ask a question

Asking a question in a message is like offering them a hook to hang their answer on. It opens up the conversation immediately and makes it easy for them to reply. Bonus points if the question refers back to their profile, because you're killing two birds with one stone. If they say they like cooking, ask them what their favourite meal is. If they like the cinema, ask what's the best movie they've seen lately. It's a simple strategy, but super effective.

5. Ask them out on a date

We make this suggestion with the caveat of '...if you feel comfortable with that'. If you like to spend a little time getting to know someone through messaging, then stick to that, but if you're happy to meet up with people straight away (keeping our safety tips in mind, obvs), go for it! It shows a level of commitment to your online dating adventure and is certain to grab their attention in amongst all the 'Hey, how you doing?' messages. Be brave, be bold and get dates.

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What is your love language and why does it matter?

Do you like your date to give you compliments? Or maybe you prefer physical touch? The way we enjoy being communicated with, and the way we like to receive love, is called our ‘love language’. Knowing a potential partner’s preferred love language is a great way of creating a bond between you. Read on to find out what they are:

Words of affirmation

People who enjoy this type of love language like verbal acknowledgements of affection like compliments, verbal encouragement and frequent texts or social media interactions. Being spoken to makes them feel understood and appreciated. If you’re dating someone with this love language, be sure to WhatsApp after a date to let them know you had a great time.

Quality time

If this is your partner’s love language, they will feel most special when you choose to spend plenty of time with them. They will particularly enjoy eye contact, attentive listening and someone who is fully present when they are with them. If you’re dating someone with this love language, make sure you give them your undivided attention and don’t be tempted to check your phone while they’re talking.

Gifts

This one is nice and straightforward - they feel most appreciated when given visual symbols of love. It’s important to remember that this type of love language doesn’t need you to splash the cash, as thoughtful and meaningful presents will go down much better than expensive ones. If you’re dating someone with this love language, make them a playlist of special songs.

Acts of service

Someone whose love language is acts of service values their partner doing tasks or helping them with things. For example, you might make them a cup of tea every morning or remember to pick up the bits of shopping they want. For these people, actions speak louder than words and they like to be shown the ways in which they’re appreciated rather than told. If you’re dating someone with this love language, offer to make them dinner and give them a back rub after they’ve had a hard day.

Physical touch

People who have physical touch as their love language like being shown appreciation throughs hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddling on the sofa and sex. Physical affection not only affirms a relationship and makes us feel secure, it’s also good for our health. If you’re dating someone with this love language, make sure you offer plenty of physical affection and don’t be afraid of a PDA.

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How to get a great date at a festival

It’s Glastonbury this weekend, which heralds to real beginning of the UK’s booming festival scene. As well as being a place to let go and have a great time, festivals are also great places for meeting new people. Here’s how to meet someone special in amongst the music and mayhem.

Talk to strangers

You go to a festival to have a great time with your mates, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t chat and hang out with other people too. Whether it’s getting to know the people you’re camping next to or having fun with the gang next to you while you’re waiting for the next act, striking up a conversation with a stranger could end up being more than just a way to pass the time.

Do things you wouldn’t usually do

One of the difficulties with meeting new people is that we tend to hang out with the same social circle and do the same things. At a festival you have the opportunity to do things you wouldn’t normally do with a whole new crowd. Fancy trying ballroom dancing? Or taking part in a drumming workshop? Or pogoing to punk music? There are lots of opportunities for new experiences at festivals, so embrace as many as you can.

Get to know their friends

When you date someone in the conventional way it will be weeks before you get to meet their friends. Finding out who someone enjoys spending time with gives you a really good insight into the type of person they are, and the people you might end up hanging out with a lot if you got together. Make the most of this sneak peak before getting involved.

Let technology give you a helping hand

If you’re at a festival, let the world know by putting it on your dating profile. That special someone will be like a needle in a haystack if you go to a big festival, so letting them know you’re in the same vicinity as them will enable them to drop you a line and suggest meeting up.

Be safe

As with any dating experience, you’ll have a better time if you’ve taken precautions to feel safe. Let your friends know where you’re going and who you’re with, keep your phone on and make sure you meet up with your mates at the arranged time. Taking care of your safety allows you to relax and enjoy yourself.

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When is it time to go from casual dating to exclusive relationship

How do you know when you like someone enough to go from casual dating to being in an exclusive relationship? It can certainly be tricky. Even if sparks are flying, how do you know if the relationship has legs beyond the ‘seeing each other’ stage? Read on for some tips on taking things to the next level.

Don’t rush into it

The rush and excitement that comes when you’ve just started seeing someone makes it easy to think that they are definitely The One and decide you want to go exclusive immediately. However, remember that this is your hormones talking and it’s important to give it a bit of time to see how things pan out before you rush to commit yourselves.

Define ‘exclusive’

The first thing to do is to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to knowing what ‘exclusive’ means. If one person thinks it just means you aren’t dating anyone else, and the other person thinks it means you’re completely committed and entering into a long term relationship, you are dealing with different realities.

Talk about it

This is really crucial. When you’ve defined what exclusive means to you as a couple, you need to discuss what happens from here. Talk about how you feel about each other, why you like each other, what you hope for the future and where you want the relationship to go. Being clear about these things now will stop problems occurring later.

Listen to your partner

This isn’t a one way street. Just because you have an idea of what being in a relationship means, it may not be exactly the same as what they think. Allow them to express their hopes and fears without becoming defensive or denying their thoughts and feelings. If you steamroller them into becoming exclusive you’ll soon find yourself single again.

Keep communicating

Once you’ve decided to commit, that doesn’t mean you’re set for life and never need to talk about your relationship again. It’s crucial to keep checking in and resetting where you’re at together. This will help to ensure your relationship remains solid so that you can stay exclusive, happily ever after.

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Basic online dating tips for absolute beginners

According to recent research, over half of all couples will meet online by 2035. This means that if you want to meet that special someone, getting online is really going to boost your chances. Whether you've just come out of a long relationship or simply haven't got round to trying it yet, dipping your toe into the online dating pool can feel a bit scary at first. However, if you bear in mind that everyone was a beginner once, and follow our handy tips, you'll soon be using mysinglefriend.com like an absolute expert. 

Commit to putting some time and effort in

Though it does sometimes happen, it's unlikely that you'll meet the boy or girl of your dreams on your first date. It takes time to fill out your profile, choose pictures and chat with others, and then it takes more time to meet up with people and figure out which ones you want to see again. However, the more time you put in, the more benefit you'll get out, so don't be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get to it.

Get a wingman on board

Mysinglefriend is all about getting your mates involved, and we guarantee that having a cheerleader will make the experience much more fun. Get them to write your profile (or check what you've written and make sure you're not selling yourself short). help you choose some pictures and then search through the site for potential hotties.

Post plenty of good pictures

Research has shown that we tend to be bad at choosing pictures that show us off in our best light. Whilst you may think that super pouty selfie makes you look all seductive and mysterious, your mate will probably think that you look a bit grumpy and not demonstrating your sparkling personality. Listen to their advice and post a selection of pictures that show the real you.

Cast your net widely

If you get bogged down in the details of trying to find exactly who you think you're looking for (e.g brown hair, over 6 foot, green eyes, is fanatical about Emmerdale), you're going to narrow down your options instantly. Being open minded about meeting all sorts of different people gives you much more opportunity to meet someone lovely, even if they don't fit your tick list. In fact, we recommend chucking away your tick list: we know couples who would never had met if they had stuck so rigidly to their imagined perfect date! 

Don't be shy about meeting up in real life

Thought the idea of meeting up with a stranger in real life can feel intimidating, it's important to remember that it's the whole reason you've started online dating in the first place! Once you've had a bit of a chat online, suggest meeting up IRL so you can see if you really click when you aren't both hidden behind a keyboard. The first time you meet someone will be nerve wracking, but, like everything in life, the more you do it, the easier it will get.

Relax and enjoy!

The most important thing to remember is that online dating should be fun! It sometimes requires a thick skin, as not every date will be perfect, but as soon as you learn to chalk those up to experience (and enjoy telling it as a funny anecdote), you'll have no problems. See it as a fun hobby, rather than a stressful chore, and you'll soon be having a ball!

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Why making the first move will help you find love

One of the questions we get asked the most is 'Should I make the first move when it comes to sending someone a message?'. For example, if someone adds you as a favourite, is it OK to immediately send them a message or should you wait to receive one first? In short, what's the etiquette? Read on for some tips on easily navigating the world of online dating.

Should I message first?

Yes! Whilst many of us have retained some old fashioned notions around not making the first move, you have to grab every chance you get to make people notice you. If someone you like the look of adds you as a favourite but doesn't message you, take the initiative and message them, as they have clearly made an expression of interest. And, even if someone hasn't favourited you, don't be afraid to send messages anyway. The more people you contact, the more dates you will get.

How long should I wait for a reply? Should I follow up with another message?

People have different expectations when it comes to how quickly they should reply to messages, and they might not match up with yours. If you bombard someone with messages asking why they haven't replied, it's highly likely to put them off, so resist this impulse. Give them a couple of days, then send them a quick reminder. If they still don't reply, move on to someone else.

How quickly should I reply?

As quickly as you like! Any 'rules' about leaving it a certain amount of time should be completely discarded as you're here to meet someone, not to play games. If someone took the trouble to message you they'll want a reply, so don't fret about putting them off by being too keen.

Should I ignore messages from people I'm not interested in?

No. Whilst it may seem pointless to engage in conversation with people you don't want to meet up with, it's just good manners to send a quick 'Thanks, but no thanks' message. Everyone likes to be noticed, even if they don't get the result they want, so do people the courtesy of replying and it makes everyone's life that little bit better. 

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Seven bad dating habits that are holding you back

If you find yourself continually making the same mistakes when it comes to dating, it might be time to look at the habits you’ve fallen into and seeing if there’s anything you could be doing differently. These are some of the toxic dating habits it’s easy to adopt, and how to get rid of them.

Fixating on small details

It’s really easy to build up a picture of your perfect partner in your mind and then be disappointed when the people you meet inevitably don’t match up to it. Leave your list of the things you think you want at home and be curious about who your date is, rather than who you want them to be.

Dating unavailable people

If someone is on a dating site, you’d hope they’d be available, right? In theory, yes, but there are many ways to be unavailable. For example, f someone has recently come out of a relationship and is still hung up on their ex, they’re unavailable. Rather than believing you can rescue them from their sadness, back off and give them time to get over it. Then dedicate yourself to looking for someone who is genuinely ready for a relationship.

Getting too serious immediately

Good, solid relationships take time to develop, so if you find yourself going from having a date to practically living together within a couple of weeks, things are moving too fast and it won’t last. Slow down, maintain your own space and give a relationship the chance to grow naturally.

Ignoring red flags

A red flag is something that means you are fundamentally incompatible, no matter how much you wish it away, for example someone not wanting to have kids when you do. Although it might not seem like it matters when you start dating, it will end up breaking your heart, so know how to recognise red flags and act on them before things go too far.

Expecting an immediate spark

Before a date you’ll probably be feeling all tingly with anticipation, which may fade when you actually meet them in real life. But don’t let that put you off because often there won’t be an immediate, exciting spark. If you have a good time with someone, that’s enough. See them again, and see if your feelings grow.

Falling into a relationship you don’t really want

On the flipside, you don’t want to spend so much time waiting for the spark that you end up dating for so long that you find a year has passed and you’re in a relationship you aren’t that into. It’s important to give people a chance, but you also need to check in with your own feelings and see if you really want to pursue a relationship with this person.

Not being honest

Dating works best when you are honest, both with yourself and your date. Telling fibs about yourself at the beginning can land you in trouble later, as can pretending to be really into someone when you’re actually not 100% sure. Be honest, but kind, and things will work out for the best.

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Five dating deal breakers that you need to ditch right now

Having deal breakers when it comes to choosing people to date is a good thing. Negative qualities like inconsistency, bad communication, disrespect and a one-sided approach to a relationship can easily become issues in a relationship and it’s right to be wary of them. However, sometimes we have deal breakers that aren’t genuine problems and lead us to expect too much from a date, who is only human after all. Here are some ‘deal breakers’ that you shouldn’t let ruin your love life.

Physical features

Some women won’t date a man shorter than them. Some men won’t date a woman over a certain dress size. All of these people are massively losing out for no reason. Getting too fixated on the type of physical attributes you want someone to have means you make your pool of potential dates way smaller than it needs to be. Don’t judge someone purely on their photos, meet up with them in real life. Chemistry will overrule everything else in an instant, and you can only tell if you have that when you meet up IRL.

Not into your hobby or interest

If you’re passionate about rugby or playing Dungeons & Dragons and your date thinks it’s boring, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to love all of the same things or do everything together, in fact it’s healthy to have different interests and times you can spend apart. As long as they’re respectful of your interests, they don’t have to share them.

Different levels of comfort when it comes to PDAs

You might be happy having a full on snog in public, whereas your date might not even feel comfortable holding hands. It’s worth remembering that people take time to feel relaxed in a situation, and also that not wanting to kiss in public doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Give them a chance to loosen up, or decide to stop worrying about it.

Can’t read your mind

Whatever stage you’re at in a relationship, it’s always vital to remember that your partner can’t read your mind. If someone isn’t behaving as you’d like them to, or not doing something you want them to, it’s on you to tell them. Communication is vital in a relationship, so don’t expect your partner to have clairvoyant skills and then being annoyed with them when they don’t.

They’re not the person you imagined them to be

It’s natural to build up an idea in your mind of the person you’d like to date, but you need to remember not to get too attached to it. Your date may have similar qualities to your imaginary perfect person, but they won’t be exactly the same. Compromise is key, so don’t get too hung up on finding someone who ticks every single box.

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Why bad dates are actually good dates

Unless you’re one of those incredibly lucky people who find love on their very first date, the chances are you’ll have a few (or a lot!) that won’t be successful. They might be perfectly pleasant but there’s no spark or they might be the type of disaster that gives you an anecdote you’re still telling years later. However, the truth is that no date is a bad date. Here’s why…

Every date is good practice

Unless you are an incredibly outgoing person, you’re bound to find going on dates a bit nerve wracking, especially in the early days. But practice makes perfect, and the more dates you go on, the more comfortable you’ll feel meeting new people. Treat every date like a rehearsal for the next one means none of your time will be wasted, even if you don’t hit it off.

Every date helps you grow in confidence

The more you date, the more confident you’ll feel about dating. You’ll develop the skills necessary to make conversation with a stranger and this will boost how you feel about yourself. Plus, the more confidence you gain, the more attractive you will be to others, meaning you’re more likely to find that elusive spark.

Every date offers you the chance of making a new friend

Even if you don’t feel romance blooming with a date, it doesn’t mean that they can’t be part of your life in another way. If you have lots in common and get on well, why not ask them if they’d be interested in being friends? You can never have too many mates.

Every date gets you out of the house and socialising

If you’ve been single for a while, especially during the pandemic, you may have fallen out of the habit if going out and socialising in public. Going on some dates will help you regain confidence in this area and simply give you a chance to let your hair down and enjoy yourself, even if you don’t meet up again.

Every date takes you a step closer to the perfect date

The more dates you go on, the closer you are to meeting The One. Don’t get downhearted if a date doesn’t work out, as it just means the next one is more likely to be a success. Meeting more people increases your likelihood of meeting someone you really like, so don’t be afraid of bad dates as each one is getting you closer to your goal.

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6 rules for making your first date a success

First dates are nerve wracking and you may feel worried that you’re going to mess up that all important first meeting without meaning to. However, if you stick to a few easy principles you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself. Follow these rules for guaranteed dating success…

Make it to an IRL date

The first step on the road to dating success is showing up. You may have spent a while chatting online and feel like you’ve got a connection with someone, but you won’t know for sure if the all important chemistry is there unless you meet up in real life. It’s important to meet someone in the flesh sooner rather than later, so you don’t end up feeling like you’ve invested more in them than you would have otherwise.

Remember that they will be nervous too

Even the most confident person in the world will feel a tremor of first date nerves, so don’t presume you’re the only one feeling worried about making a good impression. Knowing that the person sitting opposite you is feeling nervous as well will help you to relax yourself. Also, if you’re feeling tense - tell them! They’ll probably say the same and the ice will be broken.

Keep your phone out of sight

We all have highly co-dependent relationships with our smartphones, but this is one time you need to cope without it. Having half an eye on WhatsApp suggests that you aren’t really interested in your date and they will be put off seeing you again. Giving someone your full attention is a highly attractive trait, so leave your phone in your bag or pocket.

Do your homework

Even if you’ve chatted a bit online, do some homework on your date beforehand. Re-read their profile and go over any emails you’ve shared to freshen up on what you’ve talked about and any information you’ve learned about them. However, we don’t suggest you Google them or scroll back through the last ten years of their Facebook profile, as knowing too much about them will come over as a bit creepy.

Don’t get drunk

Having several drinks for dutch courage might seem like a good idea when you’re feeling those first date nerves, but getting drunk is not a good idea. It might loosen your tongue a little too much and before you know it you’ve spent the whole date talking about your ex or moaning about your job. Have one or two, but know when to stop.

Don’t insist on setting up another date at the end

Unless it’s obvious you both really want to see each other again, don’t pressure your date into planning another date at the end of the night. They may not be sure, or may have another date planned, or may just react badly to being pushed into another meeting before the first one is over. End it with ‘It was great to meet you, I’ll text you in a couple of days’ or something similar that expresses your enjoyment but doesn’t leave them feeling trapped into anything more.

If you’re looking for long term love, sign up free to mysinglefriend.com and get searching!

Why good profile photos lead to good dates

Just as in real life, first impressions count when someone first casts their eye over your profile. If your photo isn't up to scratch, that potential date is going to move on quicker than a camera flash. It’s all about the visuals in that first moment of attraction and adding a photo that is the onscreen equivalent of you wearing your PJs and knackered old trainers on a night out isn't going to cut it. Here are the types of photos you should avoid using to maximise your chances of getting plenty of dates.

Poor quality photos

If your photos are fuzzy, pixelated or you're so far away from the camera that your features can't be clearly seen, we guarantee that you won't be doing yourself any favours. Well-focussed, colourful, head and shoulders shots will get you the most attention (we've been doing this for ten years, so trust us on this one.)

Selfies

Smartphones have now evolved to the point where taking a good photo of yourself is easy. A few quick tips to make sure you look good include thinking about lighting, trying different angles, not getting too close to the camera and, crucially, smiling! Here’s a blog we wrote with further advice on taking a great selfie.

No pouting please

Whilst you might think that ultra moody black-and-white shot makes you look all smouldering and moody, the chances are that a potential date thinks you look grumpy and miserable, which is an instant turn off. Smile and the world smiles with you, as the saying goes, so find a picture where you look bright and smiley.

Group shots

Your primary profile photo should be a photo of just you - no friends, no exes and no random bunch of strangers on holiday. The people viewing your profile won't be dating anyone other than you, so you're the only one they need to see (also, it's helpful for them to be clear which one is definitely you!). Save group shots for the rest of your photos.

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How to make dating work for you in 2022

Online dating gets very busy in January so now is the perfect time to give your profile a boost. Covid is still with us but with a lateral flow test and some common sense you can still meet up and chat with potential dates. But, before you go looking, make some time to give your dating profile some TLC. Here are some great tips on making it stand out.

Switch up your pictures

Updating your profile is a surefire way to freshen up your profile. Even if you think the one you’ve had as your primary shot for ages is the best photo that was ever taken of you, it’s time to change it. People who have previously passed you by will have their interest piqued and you’ll gain a whole new audience.

Be specific about your passions

If your profile currently states that you like drinking wine, going to the gym or enjoy ‘culture’, it’s time to get specific. Do you enjoy lifting weights or doing kettlebell classes? Have you been on a vineyard tour around California? Do you love visiting modern art museums? Adding detail makes it easier for people to start a conversation with you.

Ask a friend to write you a narrative

The beauty of MySingleFriend is that you don’t have to do all the hard work as a friend can write about you too. It’s a unique feature of our site so make sure you use it! Having someone else chip in some stories and details about you really makes your profile come to life.

Tell potential dates what you’re looking for

It really helps potential dates to know what you’re looking for and what you’re likely to respond to. We don’t recommend including too many dealbreakers, such as ‘must be brunette’, but saying you’d like to meet someone who loves being outdoors helps potential dates picture themselves with you and will be more likely to get in touch.

Stay in a positive mindset

We’ve all had a tough time lately but it’s important to make sure you’re a shining beacon of positivity when online dating, rather than adding extra gloom to someone’s life. Of course there’s always room for a bit of a moan but save it for when you meet someone in person, rather than putting them off you by including it in your profile.

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What should I write on my profile?

If you're serious about meeting someone online, a great profile narrative is crucial. Photos are also important, but people want to find out what you are like just as much as how you look. Your profile narrative is the best place to showcase you personality and tell people what you're looking for in a relationship. A generic profile that doesn't say much about who you really are is going to be easily overlooked, so you need to hook your potential date's attention with some details about what a wonderful person you are. Follow these tips to help you make the most of MSF.

Decide on a snappy profile headline

Just like a newspaper headline, your profile headline should be brief, snappy and, hopefully, a bit witty. You can use it to explain a bit about yourself, tell people what you're looking for, or just catch someone's attention by making them laugh. 

Good examples:

'Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's... communicate.'

'World traveller seeks first class companion'

Bad examples:

'I don't know what to write'

'.........' (Leaving it blank)

Why should people get to know you?

This is your opportunity to really sell yourself. Whilst you might feel reticent about blowing your own trumpet, there's no room for wallflowers when it comes to online dating. If you're struggling to describe yourself, imagine how your friends would describe you and write that down. If you can't imagine how they would describe you, ask them! 

Mention what you do for a living, but don't turn your profile into a CV as people will be none the wiser as to what you are actually like. Talk about your hobbies and interests, your passions and the things you would like to do in the future.

It's important to make clear at this stage what you're looking for. Obviously a blow-by-blow account of your dream wedding day is taking things too far, but if you're looking for a committed relationship now is the time to say, because it's helpful if everyone is on the same page from the start.

Describe your ideal match

What you don't want to write is a long list of characteristics, such as ideal job, looks, weight, education, salary and hobbies. It's a lot for anyone to live up to and can make you sound superficial and picky. Concentrate instead on values. If you want to meet someone who is ambitious, say you're looking for someone who is passionate about their job. If you're looking for someone who is buff, say you're looking for someone who values their health and takes care of themselves. Writing in this way allows someone to consider whether you have similar values that will make a great relationship, rather than feeling like they aren't ticking all your boxes.

Be positive!

A great rule of thumb for your profile narrative is to keep things upbeat. We've all had struggles in life and we all get grumpy, but don't show these qualities in your profile. Coming over as negative, snarky, bitter or angry is going to put potential dates off immediately. Keep it light and you're much more likely to attract someone.

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Five reasons not to give up on online dating this winter

Winter can be a difficult time of year for dating. If you’ve been online for a while and haven’t had much luck, you might feel like throwing in the towel and huddling up with Netflix for the next few months. However, we all know that online dating does work and there’s absolutely no reason why it won’t work you too. Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t quit.

Because you’ve done the hard part already

Deciding to take the plunge and going through the work of setting up your profile is the hardest bit of online dating. Once you’re online, and you’ve set your search parameters, you don’t have to do much more than wait until likely matches pop into your inbox. We do advise that you are proactive about your searches if you want success, but even that isn’t much work when it comes down to it. If you feel like it’s a bit of a slog, remind yourself that the hardest bit is done and you’ll feel more motivated.

Because the next date could be THE date

In the end, it only takes one right date. Of course, this right date might turn up after several months of wrong dates, but once you’ve been on that right date you won’t have to date anymore. It’s also important to remind yourself that the more dates you go on, the more likely you are to meet someone really special, so it’s worth keeping going. It’s a number game after all, and the higher the number of dates you’ve been on, the closer that special date will be.

Because you might have been looking in the wrong places

If you aren’t getting much response, or you aren’t clicking with any of the people you meet up with, it’s time to change your parameters and cast your net more widely. Consider changing the age and distance ranges of the people you’re looking for and think about dating people you would normally reject for minor reasons like being too short or not being what you consider ‘your type’. Making small changing can reap big rewards.

Because having a break isn’t the same as quitting

If you really feel like you’ve had enough, you can choose to have a rest instead of deleting your profile and quitting for good. Stopping visiting the site and not checking your messages for a while can be a great way to give yourself a break, think about other things and recharge your batteries. After a while your enthusiasm for dating will return and we guarantee you’ll be glad you can quickly hop back on the site and get messaging again.

Because it’s worth giving it one last big push

If meeting someone is really important to you, then it’s worth putting in the effort to find them, which won’t happen if you quit. Before you give up, try putting in the effort to give your dating profile one last big push, especially if you’ve been online for a while. Online dating profiles do get tired, so revamp yours with new pictures, a new narrative and ask a friend to contribute some new words too. Transforming your profile like this can help transform your love life, and will up your chances of meeting that special someone.

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Online dating safety tips for beginners

Nowadays we are all understandably wary about the potential of being duped by internet scammers. If you are new to online dating you may have some qualms about talking to and meeting up with strangers. This is very sensible, but you shouldn’t let your fears put you off meeting new people. If you make yourself aware of any potential problems and use your common sense, online dating is perfectly safe. Here are some tips that will help you have an online dating experience that is as much fun as it is safe and secure.

Be careful how much you share online

It’s important to do your initial talking online, so you can get an idea what someone is like. We recommend sticking to the MySingleFriend messaging function before you meet in person, rather than immediately switching to text or WhatsApp. Don’t respond to requests for intimate pictures or information about where you live or work. If someone is genuinely interested in a relationship, that can wait until you know each other better. If you’re concerned about the way someone is messaging you, get in touch with our friendly admin team for advice.

Don’t be afraid to say no

Even if you’ve chatted with someone a lot online, you are under no obligation to meet up with them in real life. You are allowed to change your mind at any point, so don’t if you feel uncomfortable don’t go and meet someone just to save their feelings. If someone is pressurising you to meet and you don’t want to, simply block them.

Meet in a public place

This is a very basic point to make, but it’s so important that it bears repeating. It’s easy to chat a lot online and feel like you’ve really got to know someone but the truth is that they are still a stranger. Meet them in a public place where there will be plenty of other people around, and that you can easily and safely leave if you want to.

Tell someone where you’re going

Even if you’re meeting in a public place, it’s a good idea to let someone know some basic details about your date, such as name and phone number, where you are meeting them and when you expect to be home. Check in with a friend during the date, and send them a text asking them to call you if you need a reason to leave.

Don’t get into anyone’s car

If you need to drive somewhere, drive yourself - don’t allow your date to pick you up or drive you home. Having your own vehicle puts you in control of when you leave. If you don’t drive, arrange to meet somewhere you can safely get to and from on public transport.

Stay sober

Although you might want to have a drink to steady your nerves, don’t have too much alcohol (and none at all if you’re driving). Being drunk leads to bad judgement, which could lead to anything from rambling about your ex to deciding to go home with someone you don’t know. If you have too much to drink, excuse yourself and call a cab or an Uber.

Don’t ignore your intuition

If you feel in any way uncomfortable with your date, gracefully bring it to a close and leave. There doesn’t have to be something they’ve obviously done wrong - just trust your feelings. Arranging for a quick first date like grabbing a cup of coffee is a good idea as it means you can leave swiftly. when you’ve finished your drink.

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Why making the first move will get you loads of dates

One of the questions our fabulous admin team at mysinglefriend,com get asked the most is 'Should I make the first move when it comes to sending someone a message?'. For example, if someone adds you as a favourite, is it OK to immediately send them a message or should you wait to receive one first? In short, what's the etiquette? Read on for some tips on easily navigating the world of online dating.

Should I message first?

Yes! Whilst many of us have retained some old fashioned notions around not making the first move, you have to grab every chance you get to make people notice you. If someone you like the look of adds you as a favourite but doesn't message you, take the initiative and message them, as they have clearly made an expression of interest. And, even if someone hasn't favourited you, don't be afraid to send messages anyway. The more people you contact, the more dates you will get.

How long should I wait for a reply?

People have different expectations when it comes to how quickly they should reply to messages, and they might not match up with yours. If you bombard someone with messages asking why they haven't replied, it's highly likely to put them off, so resist this impulse. Give them a couple of days, then send them a quick reminder. If they still don't reply, move on to someone else.

How quickly should I reply?

As quickly as you like! Any 'rules' about leaving it a certain amount of time should be completely discarded as you're here to meet someone, not to play games. If someone took the trouble to message you they'll want a reply, so don't fret about putting them off by being too keen.

Should I ignore messages from people I'm not interested in?

No. Whilst it may seem pointless to engage in conversation with people you don't want to meet up with, it's just good manners to send a quick 'Thanks, but no thanks' message. Everyone likes to be noticed, even if they don't get the result they want, so do people the courtesy of replying and it makes everyone's life that little bit better. 

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How to take a gorgeous dating profile shot with your smartphone

In the olden days of online dating we advised people on MSF not to use selfies as profile pictures as they were invariably dim, grainy and were often taken in a mirror. However, the continued evolution of smartphones mean that we can now take high quality photos of ourselves that are worthy of our dating profiles. Here are some tips on getting a great shot.

Look at the camera lens

It’s important to remember to look at the camera lens when taking a photo. If you look at the screen your eyes won’t be looking directly out and it will look a little odd. The lens is usually at the top of the phone so focus on that when you press the button.

Use burst mode

Hold down the shutter button and your phone will take a series of shots per second. This allows you to choose the best one without having to keep pressing the button and checking how it looks. Some models of phone will even suggest the best one for you.

Use the self-timer

Self-timers mean that you aren’t at the mercy of the length of your arms when taking a photo. You can set up the camera further away and spend a few seconds getting yourself into position before the picture is taken.

Snap a photo with your earbuds

Some phones, such as the iPhone, allow you to take a picture using the volume on your earbuds to press the shutter. This means you can set up the camera a little difference away and take your time getting into position before taking the picture.

Adjust the exposure

Many smartphones now allow you to adjust the exposure of the picture before you take it. Tap on the place on the screen where you’d like the camera to focus and then swipe up or down to make the image lighter or darker.

Try using HDR

HDR stands for high dynamic range. This setting allows your camera to take three photos, one which is over-exposed, one which is under-exposed and one which is somewhere in the middle. They are automatically merged which produces a photo that has more depth of field and colour than a standard photo and tends to look more professional.

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How to end it without ghosting

Not everyone you meet will end up as your happy ever after, so it’s likely you’ll have to end a few fledging relationships during your time on MySingleFriend. Though breaking up is hard to do, it’s important that you don’t take the easy way out by ghosting someone. Here are some tips on letting someone down gently.

Don’t hang about

As soon as you feel sure you don’t want to see them again, tell them. Don’t string things out any longer than necessary by going on half hearted dates. It’s not fair on them and it’s wasting time that you be spending with someone else.

Meet them in person

If you’ve spent a few dates with this person, do them the courtesy of meeting them in person to explain. Whilst it might feel difficult to do, it will make both them and you feel better. If you really can’t bear to do it in person, at least do it on the phone.

Be honest(ish)

Rather than making up outlandish stories to save their feelings, keep it simple and honest. Say something like ‘I’ve enjoyed spending time with you but I’m not feeling a spark’. However, don’t go too far and start laying out what you perceive to be their faults. There’s no use in needlessly hurting their feelings.

Listen to what they have to say

When you’ve said your piece, give them a chance to respond rather than rushing off. They might tell you they are surprised or disappointed, or they may agree that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. If you stay and have a chat with them, you’ll both leave feeling better.

Be clear about any future interactions

Once you’ve said you aren’t interested in them romantically, be clear about what your future relationship might be. If you genuinely want to be friends, say so. But if you don’t , be clear about it so there is no confusion about how things will proceed.

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5 opening lines that will get their attention

Sending a first message to someone can be awkward, which makes it tempting to sit back and wait for people to get in touch with you. However, being proactive really works in your favour as people love to be approached first. The key thing is to make sure your message is interesting: ‘Hey’, ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’ doesn’t cut it when you’re trying to get someone attention. Here are six opening lines that will help you get that all important first date.

‘What’s the worst opening line you have ever received?’

Acknowledging an awkward moment makes it much easier to deal with. It removes the embarrassment and allows you both to have fun with the process. Asking a question is a great way to get chatting, so do that whenever you can.

‘How would you describe yourself in three words?’

Another question that will be relatively simple to answer. As well as opening up a conversation, this question quickly gives you an insight into what they are like. Are they shy, confident or super cocky?

‘Which three TV characters best describe you?’

As well as finding out something about their personality, this question gives you an insight into their cultural touchstones, which will help you figure out if you like the same things. And if you’ve never heard of any of the characters, it will introduce you to some new TV shows.

‘Do you like raisins? How about a date?’

Yes, it’s cheesy as hell, but this opener will raise a smile and therefore is highly likely to get a response. Opening with a joke is always a winner, and hopefully they’ll reply with an equally bad one themselves. Humour is a great basis for a relationship, so keep things light right from the beginning.

‘What’s your idea of a great first date?’

This opener helps you clinch a date right from the off, as it’s easy to transition from talking about their ideal first date to asking them out on it. It will also help you figure out if you’ll get on as, if they say they they’d like to go to the opera and you’d prefer to go to Go Ape, you’ll know you might not be compatible.